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With Enough Chinese Food to Last a Lifetime | PJ Newman

Welcome back, dear readers, How’ve you been? The kids? Oh good.
This month has thrown enough chin music at me to last the rest of the year, but I’m sure there’s more in store for me.
This is the first blog on the new laptop. My ex, Mac Beth, went blind and I had to take her out back and shoot her. After many a painful eBay and craigslist battle, I emerged victorious with the new beastie, Mac Beth III.
She’s all silver (or titanium if you go by what Apple calls them), tons of gigahoozies and whatnots. I still haven’t figured out how to program it to make coffee, but hey, that’s what the dog’s for, right?

OK, so, I gave notice at work. They asked me to stay an extra month, and then last week extended it again 2 weeks. I don’t know why. Everybody else seems to know the combo to the safe. My last day is my birthday. I guess it’s as good a present as one could ask for.
Speaking of work, about 3 weeks ago, I decided to trip over a drum shield jutting out of an aisle as I was turning lights off and closing down. Major faceplant. I got high scores from all of the judges except for the Koreans. Major body whiplash. Suddenly, painkillers really are painkillers and they don’t work all that well anymore. I’m guessing that concrete was much softer when I was a kid. Stupid gravity anyway.

I’m still waiting to sign the lease on the new studio building. The landlords saw fit to retract their offer of a butt load of cash to build out the studio, but did give me 4 months of rent credit. But, as I run the risk of repeating myself, still waiting to sign the lease. They sent me a first draft, which ran 41 pages! It was like a Stephen King short story. The biggest question remains who fixes the broken windows?

New job-wise, the NPAC is going swimmingly. We have the Incredible Shanghai Acrobats today. Our first sellout and we added a matinee. Incredible is right! I remember doing a show like this 10 years ago at the King Kat. There’s like 25 kids, ages 13-19, I think they’re genetically bred for this. Once they wear out, the trainers and coaches amputate limbs and then graft them on new kids. They do the most amazing contortionhatjugglingleapingtumbling … balancingohmygodhowisheevergoingtostraightenoutandifihadabottleoftequila … andsomecoconutoilandifshewasthirtyi’ddieavery … happybutpretzelshapedman. One girl was part of a trio or foursome throwing and twirling ropes with balled ends. She dropped it after tossing into the rigging. Immediately, she was dragged offstage and out to the loading dock, where the trainer beat her with a dozen oranges wrapped in a towel. Another fellow dropped a hat or something and they lopped his hand off, right there onstage in front of everybody. The lucky few in the orchestra pit were sprayed with blood. But he was back for the next routine. Now that’s pluck! Or that’s what happens when the management is waiting offstage with a taser and a bucket of lukewarm water. During the second show, the same girl dropped the rope thingy again. I asked their tech director what was going to happen to her. Jenny said that the girl would either be gang raped by my stage crew or I could buy her for $50. All I had was a twenty. Jenny took it and said as soon as I had the rest She would FedEx the girl to me.
Film at 11.
Lunch and dinner were catered by a local Chinese restaurant. There was so much food left over at the end of the evening that I was able to grab about 4 pans of untouched food. Enough to last me a couple of weeks.

After a couple of weeks of snow, ice, flooding, hail, winged monkeys and televangelists, the sun is out and we’re warming up to the next ice age.

I’m truly amazed about how this internet thing works. In the last 3 weeks, I’ve been contacted by friends I haven’t seen or talked to in over 20 years. Keep it coming, please.

OK, I’m going to have reheat some coffee and have a few back spasms.